What to Expect.
A dose of wonder about the world, at our language and how we use it, sometimes to hurt and other times to uplift, or simply to think.
A dose of justice likely accompanied by a hint (maybe more) of outrage and its absence for all. “What part of ‘all’ don’t you understand?” as U.S. Congresswoman Patricia Schroeder famously asked.
Weekly on Mondays, I’ll share my Monday Musings on whatever crosses my mind and on Saturdays you’ll get my Weekend Whispers, my thoughts at week’s end. They’ll be available for all subscribers free and paid. Other posts later in the week, Wednesday’s Words or tHERSdays Thoughts on issues affecting women and girls will be shared with paid subscribers.
Essays
The best way to follow my work is on Substack but here are some Monday Musings, Wednesday’s Words, tHERSday thoughts, and Weekend Whispers to give you a taste.
Monday Musings
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Two months ago, on April 4, I shared my first post here:
Diversity Doesn’t Foster Intolerance; Fear, Ignorance, and Isolation Do
That post responded to The Washington Post op-ed piece in which the op-ed contributor suggested that diversity causes intolerance. Bah. Though he did concede that White conservative Christians faced the need to embrace others who do not align with his identity, it came from a condescending place, elevating Christianity as the dominant culture.
Two months later, the issue squarely and publicly presented itself with the LA Dodgers’ conduct at the outset of Pride Month. (A single month to acknowledge a community; what’s with these commemorative months anyhow? We celebrate one group for one month and then return to our narrow-minded, racist, sexist, xenophobic, anti-LGBTQIA outlooks as though communities should be grateful for one month of recognition. Do you hear my silent scream?).
Some background in case you haven’t heard:
The Los Angeles Dodgers (a Major League Baseball team) invited the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, “a leading-edge Order of queer and trans nuns” to attend a game and accept the Community Hero Award from the Dodgers organization. And then all hell broke loose.
An organized campaign of intolerance, challenging the very presence of, let alone an award to, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence at a Dodgers game, led to the Dodgers rescinding the invitation. Then another outcry in favor of the Sisters led to reinstating the invitation. Got it? Invited. Uninvited. Invited again.
Then, Dodgers pitcher Clayton Kershaw, got involved and he announced (early) the date for Dodgers’ “Christian Faith and Family Day.” Because of course. He couldn’t allow the good deeds of an organization that he deemed antithetical to Christian values to be celebrated. He and his teammate Blake Treinen claimed the Sisters mock somebody else’s faith, equating it with blasphemy. Really?
The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence “believe all people have a right to express their unique joy and beauty” and “use humor and irreverent wit to expose the forces of bigotry, complacency and guilt that chain the human spirit.” A brief perusal of their website illustrates how these Sisters embody the beauty of the spirit and goodness: they provide resources to support mental health, suicide prevention, healthcare, crisis response, they fundraise, and do so much more in taking care of the community they serve. So exactly how is that problematic? How does this mock Christianity?
A Los Angeles Times sports reporter, Houston Mitchell, a self-identified middle-aged White Christian man, then waded into the discussion. If I may describe his acknowledgement in baseball terms, he realized he was born on third base. He admitted that America is and was built for people that look like him.
When he looked into the Sisters, as he had never heard of them before this uproar over their irreverent performances, he concluded:
“They have done much more to help people than most, myself included, and more than most religious people who are denouncing them as evil.”
He spoke to those denigrating the Sisters’ work:
“Jesus didn’t say ‘Come unto Me, except all you people who disagree with Me. You people stay away.’ He made a beeline for those people to talk to them.”
Too bad former Vice President Mike Pence didn’t get the message. In preparing for his upcoming Presidential campaign, he fanned the fires of hate again. Four years of it wasn’t enough for him. Pence called the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence “anti-Catholic bigots,” claiming they mock Catholicism. I guess Pence missed the part about Jesus welcoming all, serving all. Unironically, Pence declared “America’s pastime should respect the faith of every American no matter what.” Except for those that disagree with him and his expression of faith.
Now we see (in real time) what the Washington Post op-ed contributor really meant when he wrote “we all must be more accepting of things with which we disagree, even if they offend us.” We who don’t believe in the same view of Christianity that they do, that Kershaw and Treinen and Pence do, must be uncritically accepting of that and not express our disagreement.
That dodges freedom of expression and religion. It embraces intolerance. And, from this Jewish woman’s understanding, it seems awfully un-Christlike.
Wednesday's Words
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The Oxford English Dictionary defines swearing as:
swearing
“NOUN [mass noun] the use of language regarded as coarse, blasphemous, or otherwise unacceptable in polite or formal speech in order to express anger or other strong emotion:
there's a lot of swearing in the show.”
Who decides what’s unacceptable? Swearing is commonplace. It’s everywhere, in conversations, in book and Broadway show titles, on t-shirts and coffee mugs.
Academics and doctors have studied people who swear versus people who don’t; articles debate the impact of swearing by and around children. Who knew this use of language would garner such inquiry?
I remember cursing being a big deal in my house growing up. I accidentally said “schmuck” thinking it was the same as the jelly brand and next thing you know, there was a bar of soap washing out my mouth. For real. Parents did that back then, though what an odd response. Soap cleans your mouth of “dirty words”? WTF.
I started cursing my last year in summer camp at 12 years old. It was revolutionary for me to say “shit” when the other girls had been swearing all along, or so it seemed. Oh well.
And I haven’t looked back. I swear a lot. I even have a mug that I created and gave as gifts that says “shit show at the fuck factory.” Swear words comprise a part of my vocabulary, including many of George Carlin’s original “7 Dirty Words You Can’t Say on TV.” It’s interesting what made the cut so to speak: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Tits? For real? Not dick? Not bitch? Why?
Who decides which words carry so much power they are taboo, but not other words with power to inflict harm (including racist, homophobic, transphobic, and antisemitic slurs)? It always comes down to power, doesn’t it? George Carlin had it right.
But what is it about cursing that we take to it so readily?
One research paper focused on the power of swearing, where and how it gets it power. Recent studies suggest that swearing alters our perception of pain and may improve patients’ therapeutic outcomes. The Cleveland Clinic discussed a study that noticed a trend that people whose vocabulary includes more curse words also includes more “regular”words.
And yet, traditional print media still considers swear words taboo. In 2011, The New York Times wouldn’t even use the full name of the Broadway show, “The Motherfucker With The Hat,” in its review; instead it referred to it as “the play that dare not speak its name.” Other media outlets used “f–-“ or “fu**ker” as if we can’t fill in the blanks, literally.
What the Fuck!?!?
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tHERSday thoughts
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Women have sought gender equality since … forever it seems. At work, in school, in politics, everywhere really, seeking the respect and dignity that accompanies equality.
Women fought for the right to vote, the right to go to school, the right for higher education, the right to be taken seriously by the medical profession, the right to be employed and not be penalized for pregnancy or motherhood, the right for equal pay, and of course the right to bodily autonomy. And there’s always more. The fight never ends.
To win the fight, though, women need those with the power to change things – men – to join us in the fight. To support women because we are half the world, half the workforce, half the student body, half the economy. Not because we are someone’s mother, sister, wife, daughter.
Because when women succeed, so do our families, our communities, our workplaces.
This post was inspired by a conversation on July 4th.
I met a friend’s friend and colleague. A man who recognized the power of his wealthy White male identities. We talked quite a bit about who influenced us, what we do for a living and for enjoyment (and why we have privilege when they intersect). What most struck me about our discussion were the stories he told about the women in his life. They showed him their smarts, their talent, their knowledge. They shared it with him and he in turn learned how to support them and other women. I sat in awe as he told me that one woman called him a colleague and friend, he calls her his mentor.
To the men out there:
It’s more than the words, it’s where they are said. Do you promote the women in your life and in your organization when they are not there?
It’s more than giving advice, it’s your offer of time and your willingness to share your knowledge with them.
It’s more than talking, it’s listening … not to respond, but to learn and understand.
Together – he and she – we change the world for all of us, not just half of us.
Weekend Whispers
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Meditate between tasks
Make time
Breathe in, breathe out
Keep the nonsense at bay
Start again
Doing it my wayOne step at a time
Getting there, wherever there is
It changes day to day
Sometimes minute by minute
Doing it my way
(if Frank Sinatra can, so can I)Some thoughts at week’s end.